Scoutscan.com Song Database

You Can't Get to Heaven

 
Oh, you can't get to heaven (Oh, you can't to heaven) 
On roller skates. (On roller skates.) 
You'll roll right by (You'll roll right by) 
Those pearly gates. (Those pearly gates.) 

Oh, you can't get to heaven on roller skates. 
You'll roll right by those pearly gates. 
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more. 
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more. 
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more. 
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more. 

Other verses include: 
Oh, you can't get to heaven in a rocking chair 
'Cause the rocking chair won't take you there. 

Oh, you can't get to heaven in a trolley car 
'Cause the gosh darn thing won't go that far. 

Oh, you can't get to heaven on a rocket ship 
'Cause the rocket ship won't take that trip. 

Oh, you can't get to heaven with powder and paint 
'Cause the Lord don't want you as you ain't. 

Oh, you can't get to heaven in a limousine 
'Cause the Lord don't sell no gasoline. 

Oh, you can't get to heaven on a pair of skis 
'Cause you'll schuss right through St. Peter's knees. 

If you get to heaven before I do, 
Just bore a hole and pull me through. 

If I get to heaven before you do, 
I'll plug that hole with shavings and glue. 

"That's all there is. There ain't no more," 
St. Peter said, and closed the door. 

You'll never get to heaven on a Boy Scout's knee, 
'Cos a Boy Sscout's knee is too hairy! 
(Scouts sing....on a Girl Guide's knee...too wobbly)!! 

You'll never get to heaven in dirty jeans, 
'Cos the Lord don't have no washing machines. 

You'll never get to heaven on a playtex bra, 
'Cos a playtex bra won't stretch that far. 

You'll never get to heaven in a rocking chair, 
'Cos the Lord He keeps no lazybones there. 

You'll never get to heaven on a bottle of gin, 
'Cos the Lord won't let no drunkards in. 

You'll never get to heaven on a bottle of stout, 
'Cos the Lord he throws all drunkards out. 

Oh, you can't get to heaven if your newly wed 
Cause the Lord ain't got no double bed! 

You'll never get to heaven on a ping pong ball 
'Cos a ping pong ball is far too small! 

You'll never get to heaven in a biscuit tin 
'Cos the Lord don't let no crummy ones in! 

You'll never get to heaven on a Boy Scout's knee 
'Cos you never know where his hands will be!!! 
[To be sung in selected company!] 

You'll never get to Heaven in [someone's name]'s car 
'Cos [someone's name]'s car won't get that far! 

You'll never get to Heaven with a dog as a pet 
'Cos the Lord ain't got no lamp posts yet! 

You'll never get to heaven in a jumbo jet 
'Cos the Lord ain't got no runways yet! 

You'll never get to heaven in a bottle of gin 
'Cos the Lord won't let no spirits in! 

You'll never get to heaven in a bottle of whisky 
'Cos the Lord don't like his angels frisky! 

If you get there before I do 
Just dig a hole and pull me through. 

If I get there before you do 
I'll dig a hole and spit on you! 

"And that is all," St Peter said 
As he closed the gates and went to bed. 

There are three things you must not do: 
You must not spit or smoke or chew. 

Oh you'll never get to heaven in a baked bean tin
'Cos a baked bean tin 'sgot baked beans in!