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The Skit Library P
A Compendium of Skits from various sources.
A|B|C|D|E|F|G|H|I|J|K|L|M|N|O|P|Q|R|S|T|U|V|W|X|Y|Z
Painting the Walls In the middle of the singing a person
wearing two coats, holding a paint bucket, paint brush, and a
step ladder pushes through the crowd. He excuses himself saying
he is a painter and needs to do the next room. The leader asks
him why he is dressed for winter. The painter replies that he
was told to paint the room with two coats.
Pencil Salesman A sales manager is trying to teach a dumb
salesman how to sell. The manager tells the trainee to listen to
him carefully and he will teach him how to sell. He gives him
the following instructions:
1) Hold pencils in your hand and say, "Pencils for sale."
Practice saying that. 2) Next people will ask how much they
are so say, "Ten cents. Three for a quarter."
3) Then they
will ask what color so you tell them yellow. 4) Now they will
either buy them or they won't. If they don't buy say, "If you
don't, someone else will."
The manager has him repeat the instructions back and leaves him
on his own. What happens is that the trainee is left on his own
and starts calling out pencils for sale when another person
rushing by and the trainee doesn't notice him and they collide
falling to the ground. They have the following dialogue:
1) The customer asks if he knows how much the suit cost and the
trainee tells him ten cents, three for a quarter. 2) The
customer getting mad asks the trainee who do you think I am, to
which the trainee replies, "Yellow." 3) The customer really
mad says, "Do you want someone to punch you in the nose." To
which the trainee replies, "If you don't, someone else
will."
At this point the customer beats up the trainee salesman and
they leave the stage.
Pickpocket "Freddy Fingers and Hands Harry" meet and embrace
each other. They Tell where they've been in the last few years,
and as they say good-bye, one says to the other, "on you may
want this." He gives back his watch. This exchange of articles
continues until one hands back the other person's pair of
underwear. Variation: This can also be done as a contest with
one of the finalists ending up with the underwear. The other
finalist looks into his pants yelps and runs off.
Poison Spring One by one the boys drag on stage crying for
water. Each reaches a bucket with a ladle and takes a drink,
splashing some water to show there is really water in it and
dies. Ham up the dying as much as you want. More than ladle may
be needed so that there is plenty of water to slosh around. The
next to the last person starts to drink from the bucket, when
the last person comes in sees all the dead bodies and yells for
the other guy to drink from the bucket, that it is poison. The
last person throws the bucket in the audience which really only
contains rice or confetti; only the ladles had water.
Pie in the Face This skit requires pie plates, shaving cream,
towels, 3 plastic raincoats, or something similar (i.e. plastic
bags). At least five people need to be involved. There is the
narrator, the three members of the pie in the face team, and the
person(s) who delivers the pies to the pie in the face team.
This skit works best if everyone in the skit is serious,
official, and ceremonious. Play up the ceremony and the official
part of he skit.
The skit starts off with the narrator about the history of the
grand art of pie throwing. He introduces the three members of
the team who will receive the pie in the face. The team marches
out and stands at attention.
As the narrator continues to talk a person comes out with three
pies on a tray and hands them to the three members of the pie in
the face team. The narrator describes the various pie in the
face throws that have evolved thru the centuries. In every case
the person in the middle receives the pie in the face. Examples
of pie throws are the classic pie in the face, the pie on the
top of the head, the double pie in the face, the pies on the
side of the head, and the swing, miss and hit. You can have the
person in the middle change places and still get a pie in the
face. The last thing that happens is that the guy in the middle
who was getting all the pies in the face gets the other two
members of the pie in the face team.
During all this keep the members of the pie in the face team
supplied with pies. This can go on as long as you would like.
Another thing is wipe off the pie in the face team faces once in
a while. Be original and creative with skit.
Plane Landing Pilot and control tower voice are located on
opposite sides of the stage area. A out of sight on the pilot's
side makes engine noises. Another person starts the skit by
saying, "I think that there is a plane overhead."
PILOT (yelling loudly): "Pilot to control tower - "I'm coming
in. Give me landing instructions!" CONTROL TOWER (in loud
monotone as if through a microphone): "Control tower to pilot -
why are you yelling so loud!" PILOT: "Pilot to control tower,
pilot to control tower-I haven't got a radio !"
Play Ball The scene is set with an umpire, a catcher, a
pitcher, first baseman, second baseman and third baseman. The
players run out to their positions, start talking and acting
like they're ready to play ball. The Umpire tells the players
to play ball. Then the pitcher looks around with a worried
expression and starts to cry. The catcher goes out to see what
is matter and starts to cry as well. Follow the same routine
with First, Second and Third Baseman. The Umpire finally asks in
expiration what is the matter. The pitcher replies that they
don't have a ball.
Pop Commercial Have one fellow standing, holding an unopened
pop bottle, the next holding a bottle opener (or stands ready to
open the container, one hand as if holding the container and the
other hand raised over it), the other two doing nothing. The
first guy examines the bottle real close and passes it to third
guy who guzzles it, pretend or for real, and passes the empty
container to the last guy. This guy looks at the empty bottle or
container with a sick look on his face and then burps as loudly
as he can.
Potted Plant A scout pretending to be a delivery boy comes
wandering through the meeting with a potted plant which he says
is for Mrs. Mergertroid. He comes back through the meeting
several times each time saying, "Potted plant for Mrs.
Mergetroid." Each time the potted plant gets bigger. The last
time he comes in carrying a small tree. Finally the leader says
there isn't any adults here, just kids. Delivery boy looks at
the card and says. "Oh for heaven's sake. I've been reading it
wrong, the plant is from Mrs. Mergetroid For ; Name of some one
in the unit."
Presents for the Teacher Kids bring in presents for their
teacher on the first day of school. The teacher can tell what
the child's parents does by the present he brings such as
apples from parent's fruitstand, baker's child brings rolls,
candymaker candy. The last person brings in a crudely wrapped
package, with yellow liquid leaking out. The teacher tastes the
liquid and states that his father must run a bottling factory.
The child replies that no his dad is a dogcatcher and that it is
a puppy in the package.
Prisoner A prisoner is brought before a judge. The policeman
says that he caught him red-handed. Judge asks if it is true and
the prisoner says, "Well, maybe so and maybe not". The prisoner
is asked if he has stolen before and he replies, "Mmmm ... now &
then". Judge, impatient now, asks where he stole these things
and the prisoner replies here and there. Judge tells the
policeman to lock him up ! Prisoner asks when he will get out of
jail. Judge smugly says, "Oh, sooner or later."
Pickpockets Two friends meet and ask each how they are doing.
Each reveals that he has become a pickpocket and claims to be
the best pickpocket ever. They agree to find out. They back up
ten steps and walk toward each other, bumping into each other as
they pass. The first person says: Well I guess this settles
it, I am the best. Look at all the stuff I got (show these
items) Here is you wallet, your watch, you pocket knife, and
your comb. I still have all those things, so I guess I win."
The other man says "I guess so, All I got was this! (he holds up
a pair of underwear).
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